Written as a companion piece to The Autogynephile In The Room Emma writes about the abusive behaviour of autogynephiles, the impact it has on those around them, and the complicit media. We thank Emma for her permission to republish her articles here.
Read more fascinating articles from Children of Transitioners
The Abusive Autogynephile
First of all, thank you to everyone for the positive reception of my piece on autogynephilia, which received more views than all my previous pieces combined last year. I also highly recommend this article on the subject, although it focuses more on the position of the T within LGBT, given that most of the ‘T’ aren’t the homosexual transsexuals who were traditionally part of the gay scene:
One notable aspect of transgenderism in society is a pronounced nonchalance about violence against women. A brief search online will find many examples of extreme, obscene and incredibly violent threats against women, including prominent critics of the transgender lobby, such as JK Rowling and Meghan Murphy. Even the physical assault against feminist Maria MacLachlan at Speaker’s Corner in 2017 was downplayed by trans activists. Not only was Tara Wolf, Maria MacLachlan’s assailant, supported by trans activists, but he has remained defiant, tweeting in 2020:
Wolf, who is now enjoying success as a martial artist in Thailand, has been wholly supported by the violent culture he inhabits. Another example of the acceptance of violence against women as justified to further the political cause of ‘trans rights’, is an incident of violent intimidation against activist Helen Steel and two other women at the Anarchist Bookfair:
Women attending feminist meetings in different parts of the world have been harassed and threatened, their property destroyed. What’s also notable is how much this violence is supported by the wider community. Only recently, UK television celebrity Graham Norton was quoted in The Times as saying: “I know there’s some aggression, but any group looking for equality and progress will only get there if there’s an extremist vanguard, and that’s how you shift things to the middle ground.” I find it incredible that a prominent figure can blithely justify violence against women. When women were intimidated and had things thrown at them at a Labour Party fringe meeting in 2019, the party did not condemn the behaviour:
In fact, it’s women who are seen as violent for not using the ‘proper pronouns’ or complying with trans ideology:
Violent autogynephiles aren’t difficult to find. One reason is because it’s often associated with narcissistic personality disorder. And one thing that narcissists really hate is people who don’t cooperate. Mix that with the inherent sexism of transgenderism, and noncompliant women seem to evoke an intense anger.
Transsexual sexologist Anne A. Lawrence (author of ‘Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies’) addresses this phenomenon, in the paper “Shame and Narcissistic Rage in Autogynephilic Transsexualism.” You might be familiar with behaviours Lawrence describes such as displaying ‘a sense of entitlement’ and a ‘lack of empathy’. Lawrence writes:
"The grandiose, unrealistic sense of self that is characteristic of many persons with narcissistic disorders can be understood as a defense against what would otherwise be overwhelming feelings of inadequacy or shame (Kohut, 1971). In the case of nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals, this unrealistic sense of self might include the belief that one passes undetectably as a woman, despite having unmistakably masculine physical characteristics; that one has a ‘‘female brain’’ in one’s male body, despite having male-typical interests and attitudes; that eroticism had nothing to do with one’s gender transition, despite an extensive history of cross-gender fetishism; and that one is exclusively sexually attracted to men, despite a past history of attraction to, and sexual activity with, women. Although there may be a temptation to disparage this unrealistic sense of self, it is arguably preferable to some alternatives, which might include a life of ‘‘empty’’ depression, overwhelming feelings of shame leading to suicide, or returning to an unsatisfying and unfulfilling life as a man."
Anyone who presents any kind of challenge to this commits a ‘narcissistic injury’ to the autogynephile, and to the narcissist this is an unforgiveable crime.
Public examples of autogynephile rage are found everywhere, such as Evie Amatie, who is now in prison having attacked people with an axe because he had been rejected as a woman by a date, or the behaviour of the notorious ‘Gamestop Trans’, Tiffany Michelle Moore, a former armed robber, who has custody of his son. In the original ‘Gamestop’ video, Moore is very clearly showing an explosive rage at not passing as female. Further allegations about Moore are outlined by trans commentator Blaire White here, including disturbing photographs showing drug use and a fetish collar being brandished in front of his child.
In a home setting, the partners and children of autogynephiles are particularly vulnerable. A misstep on our part, any hint that we don’t think he is really a woman or that he ‘passes’, and the results can be explosive.
Many of the different abusive aspects of living with an autogynephile are explored in a series of esssays by Dr Em. This is a really in-depth approach and looks at a range of ways that relationships with an autogynephile can be abusive.
When I was about seven years old, my father had been dressing in women’s clothes and walking around the new-build village we lived in for a few years. He was working in a local pub and may have been crossdressing there as well. I wasn’t really aware of what was happening, yet I most certainly absorbed something of the strange reaction people had towards us as a family. My friends’ parents were a little odd around me, and no friend was ever allowed to come to my house. When I was about six, our next door neighbours moved to the other side of our little village, to an identical house. I think I have carried this odd sensation throughout my life, that something is a little ‘off.’ This was exacerbated later by living with my father during my teenage years and being used as a prop to help him and his friends pass. It’s easy to recall this sense of shame and to understand why my father took all this as an assault. In return, he turned upon me his emotional abuse – criticisms, emotional blackmail and punishing silences.
I’ve noticed an increasing number of children talking about their AGP fathers and abuse, for example in this TikTok, in which the poster received a lot of negative comments for not referring to her father as ‘she’.
This issue about the policing of language when describing our abuse raises huge problems for children of transitioners. Here is an account from a reader of this blog who very kindly allowed me to share her experience.
My father was first arrested when I was eight years old, possibly for voyeurism in the women’s public toilets while cross-dressing. The social worker was vague about the details. I was first called to give evidence against him when I was 11, but didn’t have to in the end. It was terrifying and I was reluctant to speak against him; even though he was violent, controlling and abusive to women and girls both in and out of the family it felt disloyal and I did love him. So children are already terrified and scared by the legal process, added to which you don’t want to give evidence against a parent. Now the court states you will be forced to lie about your father’s sex. I could not have done this as a child, and this seems to be a deliberate attempt by males to make it harder for girls to testify against male abuse and access justice. It must be even worse for girls and women who are victims of sexual abuse, as ‘women’ don’t have penises. I am thinking here of the Challenor case a few years ago. This court guidance is a massive safeguarding risk and abusive to women and girls, especially daughters of cross dressers/ trans identified males.
I don’t think the court has considered just how much pressure their guidance puts on female victims and witnesses of male violence. My father is male bodied, a cross dresser, doesn’t have a GRC, no surgery or anything- he’s just your typical scary 6ft 2 male bully. I would not as a child have been able to refer to him as a female – and I couldn’t do so now as an adult. It was less than 3 years ago that the police domestic abuse officer told me I may be called to give evidence against him again as an adult. I am no longer a child, but was terrified about both giving evidence, and being in contempt of court and being punished for telling the truth under oath and refusing to lie. My father is male.
In the UK, the government is currently hearing evidence around proposed reforms of the Gender Recognition Act and contributions from the public and organisations are published on the UK Government’s web site (https://committees.parliament.uk/work/658/reform-of-the-gender-recognition-act/publications/). You would be surprised how many people don’t feel that the partners of transitioners should have any right to an easy exit from their marriage including, incredibly, the NatWest Bank!
There are obviously a range of experiences that partners and children have, but it’s the best experiences that seem to be covered in the media the most, or at least the most positive spin. For example, the writer Alexandra Heminsley has published a book recently about her husband’s transition just after she had their child. Although they are separated, they are raising the child together and he moved back in with her during lockdown. Heminsley seems to be using the book not only as a memoir of a tortured time, but also, incredibly, as an advocacy for trans rights, without any analysis of what her husband’s condition is or with any solidarity for other women in her position. Although she isn’t staying with him, the reason seems to be that she doesn’t want to be in a ‘lesbian’ relationship, rather than his narcissism. As trans partners are seen as the ultimate victims, at the top of the hierarchy of suffering, they are not held accountable for the damage they cause.
It’s good to hear that the police were supportive in this case, in which a man who identifies as transgender raped a woman “at the same address,” but the inaccuracy of the reporting creates a climate where it seems impossible to get an honest picture of what autogynephile offending looks like:
George Orwell said: “The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those who speak it.” In the UK, the police are primed to respond to any kind of rejection of trans ideology as a ‘hate crime’. Institutions, even banks, are unsympathetic. Courts will insist that we call our fathers ‘she’ and ‘her’. Even if you try to use social media such as TikTok to express yourself you will be policed. In speaking the truth, in using our language, we risk being labelled the villains in our own stories of abuse.